The midwife cometh

Time to give up on romanticised visions of all things birth-related.  I've met the midwife and can now face the world absolutely adult.  There is no Santa, no tooth-fairy, no special heaven for pets and a midwife is just some over-worked, grouchy, crusty old bird that fills in paperwork and makes me wish for a surprise labour and delivery in the back of a cab driven by a kindly old man.

She arrived at my door and did not even say 'hello', let alone introduce herself before coming in.  I made her cup of tea as she settled in on the sofa and spread a mountain of forms around her.  As she sipped gingerly on her tea, her eyes darted suspiciously between my tattoo and my bare left-hand ring finger.

Thom arrived home and I was eager to introduce him as 'the husband'.  She loosened up entirely.  Maybe too much.  She asked about us, our lifestyles and professions.  When I told her I was a psychologist, she launched into her own psychiatric history before asking me if I was 'psychoanalysing' her.  She was the furthest concern from my mind, but she continued on her way through the heap of paperwork, firing off questions and not waiting for answers before blurting in something else about herself.  She dismissed health problems as 'no big deal' and told me authoritatively where I would have the baby, without so much as a whisper of what options I had.

She left me shaking and anxious.  Like many other new mothers I know, it seems you have to take it into your own hands.  Getting information and advice is more of a do-it-yourself affair on the NHS.  So while this woman robbed me of my illusion of the midwife - a sweet, kind old lady who imparts years of wisdom and experience through her tender care and healing hands - she did make me take a more active role in my choices.

Speaking to others, reading, researching, Google-ing has become a more than a hobby.  More like a lifestyle.  It's gathering supplies for the journey ahead.  Don't know what to expect entirely, but I can kind of map out my journey and get equipped from the stories of those who've been there before me.  Ok, so I'm ready to stop romanticising yet.