I get out of the shower and take a peek at the stick sitting near the toilet. Pregnancy test reads positive. My husband is still in bed and the house is silent. In the stillness I apply post-shower body lotion, adding a little extra to my tummy as an afterthought.
In my memory of that morning, I recall vividly the silence as I made my way upstairs to wake Thom with the news. Life seemed surreal and suddenly so fresh as if I was walking up the stairs for the first time.
Thom is happy. He wipes the sleep from his eyes and bounces out of bed. I feel like I'm watching it all unfold as an observer. Despite our plans and protection-free sex, I struggle to define how I feel.
On the way to work I stare out the window like a zombie. I feel like crying at times for joy, and other times for sheer amazement that being pregnant is even possible. Other times still, for fear. Can I do it? Can I be a mother? Unforunatley only time can tell me. Either way its happening. After I took the test, I sometimes wanted to rush the 9 months along, wishing them away before they even begun. At other times, I'm paralysed in terror.
For the rest of this week I have been seeing people in a different way. Every person crammed around me on the tube, each sweaty suit-clad man plowing down the pavement to work, every old woman struggling to cross the road - all of them have been a baby. All of them started off like this. Small, indetectible even, inside the body of someone like me. It's a staggering thought.
You........are going to be amazing. Plain and simple :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations - I am absolutely THRILLED for you two!!!!